Sometimes I feel so small in front of this earth. Powerless when the thunder shakes the trees in the garden. I feel so tiny in front of volcanoes that steam and glow in the night. So vulnerable walking on the ground that lives and moves. Knowing that anything could wipe me out at any second. Knowing how nature will always win in the end.
Some days i carry the pain of the world so heavily my brain cannot take it. The other day my mind shut down and i spend the day in bed. The next day i woke up and faced the world again with a clearer heart. I wanted to kidnap all the trucks on their way to slaughterhouses, i wanted to stop all the men in suits who care about nothing but making more money, i wanted to stop the whole world full of people and shake them, to tell everyone to take a really big step back and have a look what’s going on. But I realized the pain is not for me to carry. The world is not for me to change.
But still, i feel so responsible. Not just by what i do to be responsible, but also the way i think. I get my energy from the nature, from the big old trees i walk by, the ground i caress with my bare feet, every nourishing plant i eat. I feel responsible on giving back to this earth. Every day i thank her for existing and nourishing me, for letting me exist in it. I love her endlessly, the drops of water falling down, the thunder that makes me cover my ears, the ants that bite me in the dark of the night, every new green leaf that grows and every old one that drops.
I want to spend time with her and tap into her rhythm, welcome each day and appreciate the abundance of care she offers me. I want to remember to appreciate every step in the forest. Or in the jungle. And to remember what a wonder it is; this mushroom grows here, from the earth. Or this fruit. I can pick it and eat it, and it provides me with energy and nutrients. It’s a miraculous thing, really. And miraculous how often we forget this. To be thankful.